2019-11-22
Hey! It's been a while since I've written anything! I wanted to record a quick update on my mental health status. Almost three months ago, I finally went to see a doctor about what seemed to me to be depression symptoms. I was feeling really burned out on my work, I didn't want to pursue any hobbies, I couldn't muster the energy for even the simplest of adulting tasks, and I wanted to sleep all the time because my wakeful hours were almost completely filled with negative thoughts. I wasn't suicidal, but I was definitely tired of being conscious and living. There were times where, if I could've ceased to exist without hurting any of the people I care about, I would have. So, anyway, I described all of that to my doctor, and he was like, "Yep. You're definitely depressed." He prescribed Prozac, and I started taking it the next day.
As is pretty common for antidepressants, it took a few weeks to kick in, but when it finally did, I really felt a difference. Suddenly, I was capable of working again, of pursuing hobbies again, of adulting again, of spending time with my daughter without losing my everloving mind again, etc. It didn't feel like manic happiness; it just felt like stability, like little things didn't completely floor me the way they had in the past, like I could handle stress without spiraling out of control. And because Prozac also helps with anxiety, I noticed a significant drop in fearful thinking. In fact, this was confirmed at my next appointment, when the nurse measured my blood pressure and it was back in a "good" range.
The only negative side effect I've experienced so far is insomnia. I've been getting 3-6 hours of sleep a night, which is not great. Fortunately, I work from home, so I'm able to take naps in the afternoon to catch up. But it's still not ideal.
For the last few days, I've felt a little lower, but I'm hoping that that's either because the insomnia is catching up to me or because I saw someone the other day that dredged up a bunch of the 2018 trauma — or perhaps because of both. It's also possible that the Prozac is working less well, which I know happens sometimes with antidepressants. I'm hoping that's not the case, but I guess we'll just see what happens over the next few weeks. I'd prefer not to have to increase my dosage or try a different medicine, if possible.
Anyway, I'm glad I got on the medicine. I didn't really understand how far down into the pit I'd fallen until I started to see daylight again, you know? So, yep. That's where things are right now. Thanks for reading!